BLOOMING ON THE OUTSIDE BUT DYING DEEP INSIDE.
At times prospective Job seekers or interns that are on placement undergo untold misery before securing themselves a place or are slapped with pre-recruitment conditions some of which are talked of in hushed tones.
A young wo(man) with bills to pay, or even a family to support is put into compromising situations especially when what lies between them and their dream position is a request for sexual favours. It’s an ugly place to be. While some will simply turn down the manipulative sexual advances, others are temped to give in bearing in mind the desparate situation they are in.
“Well, if going down South Gaza just once will secure me this job-then why not? . No one will even know, not even my family members or my partner (husband). “
This monologue continues as they haggle on whether to get laid or not.
We met a lady in a conference late last year and she permitted us to share this. Hers was not even a case of a new employee that everyone in the office wants to get to know, she was heading a department in a financial institution and her supervisors were proud of her ideas that had polished the image of the company and came up with appealing packages for customers . Her star was rising – and all was going well till it was appraisal time.
The request was subtle-a coffee out so that ” I can know you more” as he bit his lip suggestively. Although she never gave in, she was expressing her sorrow that she hadn’t secured another job 4 years later after flatly refusing to sacrifice her dignity on the altar of a self seeking male who was after gratifying some lust and make her the talk of the office thereafter. She had reproach smeared all over her face, yet feeling defeated as she tries to secure a job without having to part her legs. We saw courage. Someone who made a resolve to stand firm against the tides even when it’s so tempting to go with the currents. She needed someone to reassure her that she did the right thing by walking away . We did.
For those who go to thighland- what they don’t realize is that once laid, its a leeway : which takes you farther than you would want to go and make you stay longer than one would ever imagine.
Once you sleep your way into a job or an internship position, or get caught up in a sex for grade fiasco, you also will have to sleep to stay there. You put pen on paper not just to a contract, but also into being a subject , an object – a sexual slave !!!. It’s an altar you service with tears and blood. Talk of agony. You will tire of it but you are trapped, at the mercy of your adversary.
If it was in a discreet place the first time, things will degenerate soon. Even the office boardroom or in the car park in your adversary’s car as you wait to be picked will suffice. When they aren’t around you they will ask to see you and show them what you are wearing. Don’t mistake this for bow ties,stockings and tuxedos . It’s nudes. You shall never be able to quench the demands for more. You feel trapped, you need the position and so you play along. The oppressor holds the knife, the bread and the butter.
How all this makes one feel is a teary affair that can’t be discussed over here. Totally reductionist, appalling and disgusting. Some may hide this for sometime, others forever as they ” testify ” of how favoured they have been all their life. What they don’t show is the scars, the moans, the dirty feeling deep inside of them every time they have to do this. Some have had to even engage in orgies to gratify their “masters “. Horrible “unpleasantries ” beyond imagination and endless visits to the doctor after being “contaminated “. Blooming from outside but dying in the inside.
Finally, when one is unable to disentangle themselves from this web , a cocoon of self vilification is built around. They find ways to suppress this shameful feeling : substance abuse – like alcoholism, or self gratification practises like watching pornographic material. Just something they can chew on like a bone. The thought of it constantly being hammered in your head that the position one holds is not because they were the best qualified for it but for other reasons is depressing to anyone with a clean conscience.
Their fate is predetermined for as soon as the oppressor gets a new pair of pectorals (breasts) to foddle- there goes your replacement, they will even be assigned to you to orientate them and you will never know what catalysed your being fired.
One would rather die or live on their knees than take up a job knowing too well my being sexually preyed on is just a question of when-its bound to happen. If it has ever happened to you then its a pointer to that it has happened to others too. It did hurt, it still hurts : do not suppress it, don’t bottle it up. There is help-someone free of prejudice is ready to help your wounded heart, your bleeding heart. The fear of being judged has never helped anyone. It’s tantamount to flogging oneself to a pretorium and you are doubling up as the prosecutor and the judge. You will be too hard on yourself thinking it is your fault. That it was your fault. The truth is that this is a pervert. Every little move was calculated with precision and you like a fish reeling towards the bait found yourself in the status quo. It didn’t start with him ( her ) lifting up your outfit or the unzipping and everything else you would rather even not remember. You needed a position : a source of earning a decent livelihood for yourself to start with but someone else had a different lens. You didnt have to dwell there forever .It’s time to get help.
Jimmy Muriithi 